Skim Milk Duds

I was happily munching away on some Milk Duds when I noticed that there was a label on the side of the box that said, “35% less fat than other leading chocolate candies.” My first thought was “who the hell cares?” When I thought about it further I realized that was exactly the question the advertisers needed to ask themselves. A lot of companies seem to be jumping on this healthy food bandwagon, and they’re totally missing the point. The kind of person that enjoys milk duds in the middle of the day for no occasion whatsoever is not the kind of person that gives a rat’s ass how much fat or sugar is in their candy. It’s CANDY. It’s supposed to be bad for you. I’ve never seen a dietician standing in the candy aisle at Walgreens holding up a box of milk duds while explaining to a fat person that the milk duds are a better snack choice.

Fast food chains are doing this too. McDonald’s in particular has started with the salads and Happy Meals with milk and apple slices. If you’re choosing to eat at McDonald’s you have already decided that you are willing to accept a little more lunch lady arm jiggle in exchange for a crappy food high. Besides, the food (and I use that term loosely) at McDonalds a carefully constructed chemical concoction that contains no natural ingredients. I don’t trust them with fresh produce. They don’t know about refrigeration and germs. It’s not necessary to learn any of that when the food is made of some sort of edible plastic. And milk and apple slices for the kids? You’re going to bring your kid to McDonald’s and make them eat apples? That’s just cruel. Feed them apples at home. Fast food should be a treat. If you’re eating there so often that you need healthier options for your kid, then you really need to visit a grocery store. Those shiny red and green things next to the bananas are the apple slices before they’re cut up and bagged. Get yourself a knife and you’re on your way. Besides, apple slices don’t cancel out the fact that they ate that cheeseburger or those four little chicken flavored McNuggets any more than a diet coke cancels out a Big Mac.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doggin’ on McDonald’s. I love me some filet-o-fish sandwich, but I in no way believe that there is actually fish on that sandwich. I don’t know what the hell it is, but it’s good. I would not be shocked to find out that it contained as astronomical number of calories and tons of fat, but I don’t go to McDonald’s for a healthy treat. Anyone who does is really grasping at straws. I’m not sure which is worse, that advertisers think they’re tricking people into thinking that candy and fast food is healthy, or that some people actually buy into it.

**An interesting side note, the spell check in Word did not pick up any of the McDonald’s terms. (Big Mac, Filet-o-fish etc.) What does that say about society?