My best buddy Wendy was in a bad car accident on Friday night and spent the weekend in the hospital. Now when normal people are doped up on pain meds, it’s funny. Wendy doped up is hilarious. She called me from home this morning. Her normal fast, exaggerated southern accent was coated with something that made her words raspy and sticky. The following conversation ensued:
-Hey Wendy. What you doing up so early?
-What YOU doing up so early?
-I’m always up this early.
-See? Now I’m suspicious. You have other friends you play with early in the morning when I’m still sleeping.
-That’s it exactly.
-I knew it. Hey, can you take me to the doctor in the morning? We’re down a vehicle because one’s all crunched up. And I don’t know where it is.
-No problem. What do you mean you don’t know where it is?
-I mean I don’t know where it is. Last time I saw it, it was upside down on the side of the road. I assume it’s no longer there, but I don’t know where it is. Who do I call to find out? Where do the crunched up cars go?
-I’ll try to find out for you.
-Cool. I feel bad about it because Randy’s mom just gave him that truck like last year. It was his grandpa’s. He was pretty attached to it. He could probably still have it. He can just go put it in a shoe box and keep it in the closet. Did you know they cut my good clothes?
-They usually do.
-They could have just woke me up and asked me to take them off. That just wasn’t necessary. I’m pretty pissed about that. I’m also pissed about being unconscious through my first helicopter ride. I mean, when will I ever be in a helicopter again? It’s like a once in a lifetime opportunity. Someone could have recorded it on their phone or something. They don’t offer to take you up when you’re not hurt. You have to damn near kill yourself to get in it, and then you can’t enjoy it.
-Right? That just doesn’t seem fair.
-I know. So you gonna take me tomorrow?
-Yeah, but I have to be back by 6PM so Dewie can get to work. The truck’s not running right now. When it rains, water gets under the distributor cap and it won’t start. I just haven’t gotten around to replacing it yet.
-Maybe that’s why my truck won’t start. Maybe later you can help me unfold it so we can check the ‘effin distributor cap. Of course we’ll be back by 6. What? Do you think it’s an all-night doctor’s office? They close at 5 like all the other doctor’s offices in the world. This is a strictly day time adventure. I’ll call you tomorrow to let you know what time.
-Okay, then. Later.
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