I’ve developed a mysterious allergy to peaches. I suggest
that we ban cobbler from public places and demand sensitivity training so that
people are more considerate of my lack of cobbler. Oh, and peach farmers
shouldn’t be able to grow or sell peaches where I can smell them. What do you
mean that sounds ridiculous? I am outraged!
Ok, so am I the only one that’s getting sick to death of
everyone having a cause? No more bake sales because kids have peanut allergies.
Don’t use Netflix because they don’t rate all their movies or have ineffective
parental control options. That art is offensive. Never ever talk about sex or
show naked people. Don’t do drugs. Music and literature should be G-rated. Everyone
gets a turn and no one fails. WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN?!?!
Well, what about them? I am not anti-child, and I understand
that as parents, the sun rises and sets on their kids. But here’s the thing… it’s
not society’s job to keep parents from having to discuss uncomfortable topics
or to keep their kids safe. On the contrary, it’s a parent’s job is to prepare
their kids for the adult world, not to make the world into a Disney theme park,
all sweetness and sunshine and rainbows.
It’s not just the kids, though. It’s everything. This
country has gone mad. Everything is regulated or banned from pressure cookers
to size of your soda. It’s just so out of hand. Everyone seems to be screaming
freedom with one side of their mouth and trying to ban something with the
other.
I don’t want to live in a society where everything is
sanitized for the highest common denominator. I enjoy provocative art. I eat the hell out of
peanuts. I do on occasion fail and sometimes my turn gets skipped over. I've been known to dump giant sodas into my already ample ass. Sometimes I take a
near fatal dose of Benadryl and eat peaches before I slip into a coma because
they’re delicious. Deal with your own issues. Teach your kids to deal with theirs
too, because frankly I think that hooker art is amazing, and I don’t care how
you explain that to your kid. I didn’t sign up for that job. You did.
