I recently watched the first season of Sister Wives on Netflix. I don’t necessarily have an issue with the idea of polygamy as a general idea. I’ve seen numerous documentaries featuring group family structures that seem to work for everyone involved, and you know, whatever floats your boat. However, the religious based brand of crazy that these people are selling is fraught with underlying issues that everyone seems to be blissfully ignoring. The biggest problem I see with Cody and his four lovely wives is that there is only one practicing polygamist in the group. The wives are very much monogamous. This creates an imbalance of power that leaves me unsettled at best.
Let’s start with Cody. At first he seems like a decent guy, but it quickly becomes clear that he uses this bazaar lifestyle and creation of an unnatural number of children to stroke is fragile male ego. Fluffing his age inappropriate, scraggly surfer boy hair, complete with receding hairline, he clearly thinks that he is hilariously charming but is so full of himself that he doesn’t even notice that he's the only one laughing at his jokes. When asked by his first wife how he would feel if she was showing attention to another man, he replies, “The vulgarity of you taking on another lover is an idea that I’m not even comfortable thinking about. It makes me sick. I realize that may seem somewhat hypocritical, but you chose this lifestyle.” No, Cody, it doesn’t sound SOMEWHAT hypocritical, it is completely hypocritical, but I think he inadvertently hit the nail right on the head. No one in that family wants to address the huge white elephant that everyone is so persistently sidestepping. No one is happy. Except Cody. It becomes clear that the only real emotional satisfaction the women experience comes from their relationship with each other rather than their relationship with Cody. These women have accepted their role in this shenanigan and are making the best of it. Although they sing the praises of their lifestyle and insist that they are happy, they make it painfully clear that there is a difference between being comfortable and being happy.
Having 13 children, Cody has basically worn out his wives, except for the first wife who only had the one child, but her perpetually red, bloated skin leads me to I suspect that she’s a raging alcoholic. Having sufficiently fattened up his other wives and driven the first one to drink, he takes on a fourth younger, marginally more attractive wife. This causes upheaval in family, showcasing what everyone but the participants already know, that Cody is really the only one that’s ok with this arrangement. Cody dismisses the issues like he does all the others by saying that, “Change is scary. Everything will settle down. I haven’t courted in 16 years, this is new for everyone.” Well that’s clear that it’s new to you by your continuous use of the word “courting.” Froggy goes a courtin. People date. The sister wives use little unimportant events such as Cody picking out the new wife’s wedding dress to showcase their displeasure. So you feel betrayed by him because he picked out a dress? Let’s dig a little deeper, ladies.
One of the most disturbing scenes for me was watching the gaggle of little girls playing with Barbies. You guessed it. Four Barbies, one Ken. Then one complains that she doesn’t get enough time to play with Ken and the new wife pipes up, “Just like Daddy has to split his time with your four mommies, you have to share Ken’s time too.” Christ lady, please don’t set these little girls’ moral equilibrium on “freak show.” Get them another freaking Ken doll. I might have felt better about the whole thing if just one little girl took her Barbie across the room and played with it alone, but she was perfectly willing to sacrifice her dignity and share a Ken.
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