“I wonder why tooth paste foams. Does it have soap in it, and if it does, is that really something I want in my mouth? Oh, probably peroxide. It foams when it comes in contact with catalase which is in saliva. Does all toothpaste have peroxide in it? I should pay attention to that…” My thoughts were cut short by the sound of my name echoing through the house, the annoyance in her voice making it shrill. Dewie should really settle down, you know with the high blood pressure and all. I spit the toothpaste foam into the sink.
“What? I’m brushing my teeth!”
“Well hurry up, your damn donkey’s at the window and he’s gumming up the glass again.” This makes me smile. I’ve always wanted a donkey, and now I finally have one. Just the thought of his scruffy little face makes me grin.
“Tell him I’ll be down in a sec.” I rinse my mouth and swish the toothpaste out of the sink. I turn the water off and listen. “DEWIE! I don’t hear you telling him!”
“I’m not talking to a donkey.” Ridiculous. I mean he speaks English.
“Fine. Let him slobber up the window.”
I slip into some flip flops and head downstairs. As I enter the kitchen sure enough, there was Lester nipping at the window. I spin around to face Dewie. “He just wants his sandwich.”
“I got the bread out for you.” Following her finger to the loaf on the counter, my mouth curls downward in a frown. Dewie’s eyebrows rise above her glasses. “What?”
“He likes the wheat bread.”
Dewie looks at me like I just crapped in her shoe. “Seriously?”
“Well, he does.” I switch out the loaves and smear a thick layer of peanut butter on the wheat bread, then top it with another slice, mushing it flat with my palm. Opening the window, I reach out and scratch Lester’s course chin. “You want your sammich, little fella? What do you say?”
Lester stomps his foot, huffs and lets out a frolicking, “Heeee-Haw!”
“That’s a good boy. And who’s your favorite human?” Lester jerks his head to the side and nudges my hand. He pushes his velvet nose into my palm. “That’s right. I am. And who’s the evil human who can’t be bothered to make you a peanut butter sammich?” Lester narrows his eyes and pulls his lips back showing his perfect square, flat teeth. He takes a deep breath and looks right at Dewie and says, “That bitch. ”
It’s my fantasy, I can make him talk if I want to.
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