Rock, Paper, Scissors

I don’t understand rock, paper, scissors. I get how rock beats scissors. A rock would smash the crap out of those scissors. Even if the rock doesn’t break them, they would at least be rendered unusable.

Scissors would definitely beat paper. I get that. Even if they’re really dull, you can stab the hell out of some paper. If you stab it enough you won’t be able to write around the holes. With just a few holes you still wouldn’t be able to say wrap a gift in it. If paper and scissors were in a fight, the only thing paper would be able to do is lay perfectly flat and hope it opponent is a pair of those safety scissors with the rounded tips that they give you to use in school. Paper is scissor’s bitch for sure.

That brings me to the ridiculous part. On what planet does paper beat a rock? If someone was coming at me with a rock, my weapon of choice would not be a sheet of paper. You can wrap a rock in a butt load of paper and it’s still going to hurt if someone hits you with it. If you throw a rock at a piece of paper, you have the same results as with the scissors and as we previously discussed, scissors owns paper. Covering a rock doesn’t destroy it, it provides a deceptive disguise. Essentially paper turns the rock into a ninja. It enhances its capabilities; makes it more stealth and deadly.  

The only instance in which paper would beat rock is if the paper was a warrant for your arrest. No amount of rock throwing would beat that paper, but then neither would scissors, so it can’t be rock, warrant, scissors. Warrant would always win.  I think the problem in the equation is the rock. Anything that would beat a rock would also beat scissors. Rocks are hard. Whatever you change it to, you’ll have to be able to quickly make the shape with one hand and I already have a hand gesture that will win every time.