Friday, August 17, 2012

Why No One Wants To Play With Me


During a recent discussion with Dewie regarding games we played as children, it suddenly dawned on me that I never had a lot of friends growing up. I still don’t. I usually have a main friend, maybe two and then a gaggle of people I just know. As I look back, it probably has a lot more to do with me than moving around a lot or any of the other ten excuses I can come up with.
When I was a mere whippersnapper, one of the games we often played involved raking piles of leaves or pine needles into a floor plan of a house. Although I preferred to play this game alone, sometimes a brave friend would attempt to put up with my need to control everything and offer to play.
Let’s take a ride in the way back machine, shall we? As I’m happily sectioning off the kitchen, cabinets and a roomy pantry in which to store our stick and rock food, I realize with a start that I have forgotten to add a bathroom. I address the little friend who has up until now busied herself with collecting cook-worthy acorns, a job I undoubtedly assigned her, “Hey! I forgot the bathroom. Why don’t you add one?”
She looks at me, excited that I have given her a task that requires more skill than a squirrel, “Ok, yeah! Where should I put it?”
“I don’t know, where ever it makes sense.”
                I turn my attention back to my awesome pantry and soon hear the scratchy sounds of the rake arranging leaves. After a few minutes I walk over to check her work. I am horrified.  “Why in the world would you put the bathroom in front of the front door?!” I squat down to point at the offending bathroom, my long braided pigtail bouncing against my knee.
                “I don’t know. I didn’t know where to put it.”
                “If someone were to visit, do you think they would want to pass someone sitting on the toilet to get to the living room? Does that make sense to you?”
                “Ummm, it’s a leaf house. I don’t think anyone’s going to visit.”
                I take a deep breath, stand up and put my hands on my hips. I calmly address my little friend, making sure to speak slowly so that she understands. “Are you playing make believe or not? I’m going to make believe that the Queen of England is coming over for tea in a few minutes. Then I’m going to make believe that you really had to use the bathroom. Then my make believe Queen of England is going to walk past you pretending to pee on your leaf toilet. Is that what you want?”
                The little friend sighs and picks up the rake. “Where do you want the bathroom?”
                “I point to the hallway. Right there, off the hallway. Be sure to put the good towels out. The Queen is coming.”

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