As I look forward to a fresh new year, all sparkly and appealing
in its promise of a fresh start, I feel it’s important to look back and
acknowledge the lessons of 2012. So, what have I learned in the last 365 days? I
think a top 10 list is in order!
10. If there is a room in your house that your husband has
absolutely forbidden you to enter, call the police. He’s a serial killer. It’s
probably full of newspaper clippings and the driver’s licenses of dead girls.
9. Marshmallows give my dog the screaming skitters. Not just
normal diarrhea, but constant, dry heaving out of your butt kind of runs. You
might as well set up shop on the porch and wait for the storm to end. Yummy for
people. Horrifying for dogs.
8. Workout clothes make awesomely comfortable pajamas. You
wake up ready for your workout and you have half the laundry.
7. The best way to win over a kid is to let them do stuff
their parents would never allow. Some examples of this are setting things on
fire, playing in the mud and breaking things. **Important note** No matter how
much you trust a kid, these activities may cause a giddiness that snowballs
quickly. It’s important to supervise closely.
6. Plumbers are not magicians. They just have to right
tools. In other news, using the wrong tool will likely make whatever you’re “fixing”
much, much worse.
5. People will always spontaneously drop by when you’re not
wearing a bra. Being properly dressed seems to keep them away.
4. Even in a panic, a hammer is not an effective way to kill a
roach. It is however, a very good tool for cracking tile.
3. Some people are just not fans of science and reason. Most
of these people are on Facebook.
2. If you have any form of an anxiety disorder, there’s a
good chance you can be on TV; several times on multiple networks.
1. And my new personal philosophy courtesy of RuPaul, “Don't
be afraid to use all the colors in the crayon box.”
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