Phillip Stands Alone

So I have this weird compulsion of pulling on wily arm hairs to see if they’re loose. I’ve found that when the hair on my arms is beginning to shed it sticks up all funny and comes out with just the slightest tug. This is enormously satisfying to me. I don’t have trichotillomania, the hair I pull is not fully attached and there is no pain involved. I think of it more as obsessive grooming. So, on this particular morning I found three hairs on my left arm which was impressive being as I had already showered. Giving it one last sweep, I stopped dead in my tracks. What I found was the mother of all arm hairs.  I grasped it betwixt my trembling fingers and watched in awe as it stretched toward the heavens. Stretched to its full height, it was about an inch and a half long and several shades darker than the white-blonde hair that covers my arms. I think I’ll call him Phillip.

Now I’m torn. Part of me wants to pluck it. It’s not very attractive. Now that I’ve found it, it’s quite noticeable to me. Every time the light catches it, it bothers me. It’s like Phillip is laughing at me, “Look at you, walking around with this man hair on your arm. I’m just gonna stretch up to my full height and wave around a bit and see if I can get someone’s attention.” Every once in a while I’ll lick my finger and smooth it down but as soon as the spit dries, there he is, popping back up.

The other part of me wants to see just how long it will get. I mean, is it just an exceptional arm hair with arm pit hair DNA, or is it some mutant hair that will continue to grow if left alone? Will it cap off at 2 inches? 3? Or will I eventually have to start wrapping it around my arm like a bracelet? If it does have a predetermined length, will it then reach the shedding point where I can tug it out? That would be awesome. Will another hugely mutant hair take its place?

In the end, the questions win. I’m just too curious to pluck it. Phillip is safe for now. Besides there is always the possibility that all the other arm hairs make fun of Phillip because he’s different, and I wouldn’t want to reinforce bullying type behavior by getting rid of him just because he’s weird. That could send the wrong message to all the other arm hair and would be irresponsible body hair management. They will have to learn to love Phillip for his uniqueness, just as I have.